O Yam of God

I have joked, a number of times in my life, about how I do not know where I am from. Born and raised in Warrensburg, MO, my family bought an RV when I was 6 and traveled to Colorado, where we spent the next eight years in Trinidad. We spent another two years in Walsenburg before moving back to Missouri. I spent my high school and college years in Hannibal, and then city-hopped a bit before ending up in Kansas City. Then, after meeting my now spouse, I moved back to Colorado and lived in Denver. I am now 29; half of my life has been spent in Colorado and half in Missouri.

Just over a year and a half ago, I was given an extraordinary opportunity to move back into the “house that built me”, and Keith and Mady found themselves sharing the very house I spent my junior high years in, in Walsenburg. Additionally, they were able to spend their share of time in nearby Trinidad, complete with driving tours of my old stomping grounds, and coffee dates with some old friends.

I know where I am from now.

There are a great many self-revelations, affirmations, and actualizations that come when one realizes where home is. Some may never know because they have lived in the same place so long they have never questioned the implications of being home. Some have been so hurried to leave home they miss the lessons. Others, and I believe I am in a rare and blessed minority, are given this profound experience of wandering and learning and exploring and then coming back with new sight and appreciation, and a sensitivity to the question, “How did this place, and these people, shape me?”

Oh, I wish I could fully examine, in words, the glorious, glorious answers to those questions. I am new, I am whole, and I am acutely aware and appreciative having answered those questions. I am refreshed, revived, and newly passionate having answered those questions.

I am loud for a reason. I am opinionated for a reason. I am honest for a reason. I am sensitive for a reason. I am loyal for a reason. I am loving for a reason. I am a bitch for a reason. I get offended for a reason. I am close to my family for a reason. I am expressive for a reason. I am limited for a reason. I am not limited for a reason. I studied what I studied for a reason. I protect whom I protect for a reason. I feel a calling for a reason. I serve my God uniquely for a reason. I reach out to others for a reason. I close myself off to others for a reason. I am ghetto for a reason. I worked on becoming refined for a reason. I question things for a reason. I accept things for a reason. I judge who I judge and I embrace who I embrace for reason. “I yam who I yam …” for a reason. 

I hope I never reach a point in my short life when I refuse to continue to grow and refine who I am. But, I have seen home, I  have remembered and smelled and touched and listened to all that went into making me who and what I am, and so I hope desperately, also, that I never reach a point in my short life that I apologize for who and what I am. To build on who I am is to honor and give new life to the people and rich culture of Southern Colorado, who breathed life into what I have become. To change and hide who I am is to erase beautiful colors from this unique mosaic.

Brothers and Sisters, if you are serving my God, but have never considered your Home, you are missing out on a great many self-revelations, affirmations, and actualizations that come when one realizes where Home is. I cannot claim to have reached the fullness of this concept, but believe we can catch a glimpse of these Truths through Scripture and experience.

1. When we realize where our Home is, we realize we are Sons and Daughters of The King on High.

Boy, that changes things, doesn’t it? Do we conduct ourselves in a way that reflects our Inheritance? Do I take comfort in this when I obsess over my earthly possessions, without stopping to realize I am heir to a heavenly Kingdom? Do I act as a gracious Royal, taking mercy on those who have not been Chosen? Do I work to share my eternal wealth? Do I understand the depth of the riches awaiting me, therefore making it easy for me to give it all away, while here, to those in need? Do I carry myself with the kind of grace you would expect from someone given so much?

2. When we realize where our Home is, we realize this earth is temporal.

Someone at work really getting to you, lately? Feeling like you don’t make enough money? Regret you never got an agent and became a super model (okay, sorry, that’s … that’s just me)? Can’t stand that people who cheat the system get ahead? Bothered by who’s in political office?

When you know where your Home is, you are able to look past this world’s frustrations, and begin to look at this life as a ticking clock, with such limited time to do Good.

3. When we realize where our Home is, we realize where it isn’t.

There is so much Scriptural evidence to encourage us to not be alarmed when this world rejects us, persecutes us, and is perplexed by us. And yet, we fight against a human nature that desires desperately to be accepted. This manifests itself in what I believe has been the weakening of the American Church over the last 30 years, as we have worked to change our message, our music, and our manifesto to please a society rejecting our traditions.  Be careful to enjoy an existence where no one here notices you don’t belong.

Maybe you are living in the same little town you always have. Maybe you are reading this on your iphone while whipping through interstate traffic and scoffing at the old dirt roads you’ve long left behind. Maybe you’re wandering aimlessly through your day to day and wishing you knew where home is. Wherever you are, if you profess to know Jesus Christ, Heaven, ultimately, is your Home. My wish for you is that as this becomes more real and more evident in your life, that you share my conclusion:

You are forgiven for a reason. You are loved for a reason. You are embraced for a reason. You serve for a reason. You let things go for a reason. You are kind for a reason. You are called for a reason.  You meet people for a reason. You are blessed for a reason.  You face consequence s for a reason. You are in your family for a reason. You listen for a reason. You sing for a reason.  You study for a reason. You submit for a reason. You endure hardship for a reason. You grow for a reason. You can say, “I yam who I yam” … for a reason.

I hope you never reach a point in your short life when you refuse to continue to grow and refine who you are. But, you have tasted Home, and so I hope desperately, also, that you never reach a point in your short life that you apologize for who and what you are. To build on who you are is to honor The One who made you. To change and hide who you are dulls the vibrant red that was shed for your Salvation.